Life has a real funny way of showing you it loves you by treating you miserably and showing back up at your doorstep with flowers and apologies. It can be an abusive relationship at times, and you stick it out because you feel trapped. Now before you start thinking I’m going to end it all because the burdens of life are getting me down, that’s NOT what I mean in the slightest. In fact, I’m the total opposite of that - I’m pretty upbeat and positive. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the work, and I really want to get all of this done so I can move forward.
I am building a highway, and there’s a huge rock I need to blast out of the way and clear out before I can continue. Right now, I’m clearing stuff out. Which is why I have to neglect my own personal hobbies to focus on other parts of my life.
Point One: My Family. My wife and I have been trying for over two years to have a child. I feel helpless in that regard because I’m completely healthy, and from the diagnosis of my wife, everything ‘appears’ fine. But there’s obviously something going on that’s not allowing us to conceive. So we’ve been running around trying to make something work - clinics, drugs etc. I hate it. Not because of the inconvenience of it all - that’s merely annoying - it’s the fact that there’s nothing I can do to FIX things. That’s what I do - FIX stuff that’s broken. It’s a frustrating journey, and it’s made life very stressful for the past 2 years. Anyway, we’ve come to a crossroads that if this major procedure doesn’t work in the summer, we are going to just move forward with our lives and enjoy iy the best way we know how - travel and a change of scenery.
Point Two: My Job. Some days I feel really motivated, and others I feel apathetic. Right now, I’m totally motivated, but there’s a huge mountain I need to get out of the way before I can move on to bigger and better things. I’d like to become more organized and efficient like I was when I first started in this position. I remember how scared I was because it was a management type role and I needed to be organized and on top of things and more proactive(ugh, hate that buzzword, but it applies). The anxiety of not knowing how to handle things was exciting and new. Once that wore off and I settled into a solid role and the company was doing well, I started to slack. Now, I’m finding myself trying to get out of that hole of slack and back into a forward march. Perhaps the nice spring weather will help.
Point Three: My blog. I love it and I want to continue doing it - but at times I’m feeling like it’s not doing enough. Then I check my stats on a whim and I see that it’s grown in traffic, popularity and interest, so it motivates me to continue on. Then it makes me feel guilty for not being more consistent. That needs to change as well. I have a planner set up with the posts I want to write that will take me into the summer (3 posts a week) but I’ve fallen behind due to points one and two on this list. Once I can get some closure on some of the elements in points one and two, this area in my life will significantly improve. I have a vision of this (and other blogging ideas) becoming a full time gig eventually, but I need to be able to dedicate the time to do it. I can’t do that with all the outside distractions.
Point Four: My Comics. Yeah, its been like 10+ years in the making, and it’s finally coming around to seeing the light of day. I want this to be a consistent release over the course of its creation - but its tough to be consistent when your life isn’t. It’s not going to stop me from setting up something that will allow me to create a batch and release things automatically. I just need to get some of these other things done and open up space for this commitment. I’ve always seemed to throw my personal pursuits on the backburner to FIX other things. I have to FIX myself now - I think I’ve earned it. Anyway, El Cuervo is rolling along now that I’ve given up on other frivolous pursuits like gaming, etc.
Point Five: My health. I’m 33 years old, and I look and feel like shit - that is the great UN-motivator, when you’re too lazy to pursue any goals because you feel terrible. I’ve vowed to get back into some semblance of shape again, since I am now teetering on the brink of being in the worst shape since the early 2000s when I noticed my sedentary lifestyle was no longer going to be supported by a good metabolism. I had to work to stay in good shape. I owe it to myself to get into a better state of health - I DO eat very well (plenty of greens and healthy options) and I think that has been my saving grace for the last 2 years - now, I need to take the extra step and increase my overall endurance, stamina and strength and get rid of the jello I’m wasting away into.
Point Six: My other hobbies. I have a whole pile of other things I’d like to work on - I wanted to create and possibly sell some art (paintings, etc). I also have some renovations I want to pursue, and I’d like to build a few things for a sense of personal accomplishment - a rod hockey and a foosball table, a dart board cabinet, a small classic arcade system, and so on. There’s an old vanity my wife’s gran gave to her that I’d like to sand down and refinish as a gift to her. Again, these things take time - but it doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on them. They just have to go near the bottom of the list.
And there you have it. I’m a busy guy. Perhaps I need to keep busy in order to keep sane? I have o problems being lazy and sitting around and putting things off for another day - but its like I need that list of things to eventually get to so I have goals…
